Ella read the book, "If You Take a Mouse to School" by Laura Numeroff, tonight before bed with Scott. I normally love this little line of books (though even in these books the mouse invades a little much for me) but I've got somewhat of an issue with mice right now.
If You Set a Mouse a Trap
by Jubie Is-ticked-off
Based on a somewhat, but pretty much true story.
Page 1- If you set a New York City mouse a trap,
Page2- it will not be in it, come morning.
Page 3- And when you notice that the bait has been strategically taken off the trap, you will curse it, go to Duane Reade and buy every mouse catching device on the shelf,
Page 4- along with some chocolate, a yummy smelling candle and some sort of sleeping shot drink, just to get you through the night.
Page 5- And when you awake the next morning to mouse droppings, empty traps once more, chewed up wood cabinets and one bite taken of every imaginable packaged food in your kitchen (some placed 8 feet high on shelves), you will tear your entire apartment apart just to get to the bottom of it.
Page - It will stare at you as you do your dishes, hidden in a safe place, with a full belly, laughing with it's puffy cheeks and dirty little teeth.
Page 7- And most likely, right then and there you will refuse to cook another morsel of food until the rodent is caught.
Page 8- Your husband will get worried, because he has to eat, so he will join in the mouse catching frenzy.
Page 9- Once the game plan is in place, and you've got the fishing pole to scare the mouse, your husband will move the refrigerator ever so slowly, as you swipe the pole back and forth underneath.
Page 10- After patiently waiting for the critter to make it's grand appearance, the mouse will finally run, out of despair, get cornered and then proceed to climb the back of your refrigerator grates, one hand on top of the other as you stare in amazement. It will then free fall from the top and return to a location known to none,
Page 11- except for the NYC Mouse Mafia. Mickey ain't got nothin' on this thug.
Page 12- It is finally then, that you cover up every possible hole, nook and cranny to ensure that the unwelcome visitor does not return...
Page 13- But to your dismay, a huge leaking bathroom ceiling mess is in the works, where a gaping cavity appears... (three times now.)
Page 14- where new mice (that's more than one folks!) fall out of.
Page 15- And chances are, if there are new mice in your apartment,
Page 16- you will have to set up another trap.
Page 17- And if you set another round of traps,
Page 18- Maybe, just maybe the mice will like your new greasy bait and be stuck to a sticky pad. And if you're ever so lucky, they will even be gnawing on their own limbs trying to free themselves, come morning.
We'll see, it's not morning yet.
3 comments:
You should seriously publish that book. I am sure all the New Yorkers would love it. I would buy it. You could retire before Scott even started working and it would all be thanks to this little mouse.
That is hilarious! I love your book.
That was great - I always enjoy your writing.
So sorry about the mouse - I cannot even rest until the mouse is caught and then I have a compulsion to clean every nook and cranny that the mouse may have visited. YUCK!
Post a Comment